Well i know . I know that what I feel right now is just A FEELING . You know , mainan perasaan . Lagi lagi perempuan , eh nida fefeeling perempuan. Yeah . However . i'll never say that life sucks .Life is amazing . Don't judge me to have these kind of feelings. i'm human and i can't be happy all the time no matter how loud and cheerful i am. But you know , the fact that when i'm very loud and very happy , everyone is there . That's life . Again , I know.
It's very hard kan to satisfy everyone's feeling. too hard man . And sometimes when I started to talk about this . People thought I'm being emotional like this because of haters. Ekhem , alright . Let's make it clear. For anybody pun , haters kadang kadang boleh buat down. but for me , it's not too much pun. just marah macam tu jelah. So now , please be alert . Bila aku macam ni , macam mana? macam ni la.
· Tetibe diam .
· Tetibe nak menyendiri.
· Tetibe sedih semacam.
· Tetibe nak pissed off.
I only feel THAT way disebabkan orang orang yang aku sayang and yes , family and friends. Aku dari dulu bab bab kawan memang boleh ubah aku jadi penyedih habis . Lagi lagi aku jenis friendly over jadi macam ok kawan sini kawan sana kawan sini sana. End up , i'd feel all alone sebab to be honest lagi banyak aku kawan aku akan lagi rasa alone sebab Some of my friends really don't understand me and expect too much from me. Yes , it's normal that some of our friends would really take you for granted and that is what exactly what i feel right now. Bila aku ada untuk diorang. ok fine diorang appreciate. good,but bila aku busy or memang macam okay macam ni , ada kawan yang aku boleh hangout sebab takde apape halangan . tapi ada yang aku tak dpat mungkin faktor masa or tetibe family aku mintak tlg. I'd never say no to my family and i'd expect my FRIENDS to understand. but some of them. no. It's okay. Won't blame anyone.
So what i really feel right now is that i'm afraid that i actually not a good friend to anyone.Seriously .Sebab aku dah tatahu how to handle how to... urgh. I'm trying my best. kalau yang dulu rapat,now tak rapat. Sedih,but as long as dedua still faham keadaan each other and kadang kadang contact tanya khabar.it's better kot. A way better. enough to make both to feel good. itu salah satu yang buat friendship tahan lama which is bersangka baik with your friends.our friends. Now aku macam, ok i was there for them and takkan just because ada beberapa masa yang aku takdapat ada for them,terus lupa benda baik yang lain. it's funny kan.
I don't know . I know people would say (even myself would say) , just be who you are and give your best. that's what i'm trying to do. infact,that's what i did. Nampaknya tak cukup . Heh?
i'm sorry people. i'm sorry friends. For not being good enough. Sumpah if diberikan peluang , pergi kat sorang sorang mintak maaf for not being what they've expected me to be.I guess ,I will just wait and see who's staying and who's not. Wallahua'alam. May Allah always guide me , guide us.
p/s: I can see and i can mention who ARE and will always be with me,all the time. Thankyou , i could cry and hug each one of my true friends tahu tak. You know what , we know who is our true friends . No , bukan yang selalu with us 24/7 . but the one yang you can share everything. Tell almost about everything. Tak awkward to tell opinions. Kalau dedua busy pun,never be awkward kalau nak spend time, never feel afraid untuk ajak buat benda baik AND the one yang you can feel their existence .The one yang , when people ask , siapa yang kau tahu kalau dia ada masa free 24/7 dia akan ada untuk kau and kalau dia busy gila pun,kau tahu , if dia ada peluang .they will be there for you.You can easily tell the name(s).
Anyway , again. MAAFKAN AKU. ish dah lah , tak suka tau jadi tetibe cenggini.Aku ni dah la suka nak bebel setiap masa , Orang tengok mcm perempuan hyper tak pernah ada masalah, Pastu bila tetibe kena layan perasaan macam ni . Payah K. eh mestilah kena layan , kang tak layan aku jadi pendendam perasaan. I am not. btw , I'm stronger than you ever thought. That's why I'm alive .
